I was once a person who has the most explosive temper. I may not speak, I may not show interest but deep down inside, I might be scolding and cursing the sh*t out of you. (I don’t speak foul language by the way) And that only happen when I am being mistreated or misunderstood. I will usually defense myself. By defending myself, I mean I will not freaking let you go. In short, you pay for what you have done and I am not responsible for what will happen next. I will make your life a living hell.

But, don’t worry. That was a few years back.

Now, I am a completely different person. And NOPE, I don’t need another blog post from you. Your tone and choice of words definitely stabbed deep into my heart.  I was shocked that I did not get mad; instead I chose to forgive you. Forgive whatever you said. I completely did not thought of writing another revengeful post to start a post war with you. But I was really sad, wasn’t been able to sleep the whole night, figuring whether I should write a post to apologize to you. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to provoke you. I didn’t even want to start a fight with you. I really am sorry. I sincerely apologize from you and it is up to you to choose whether to forgive me. Stay as strangers or upgrade another level to becoming friends, its up to you too. But I remembered you mentioning about your type of friends. However, I just want to sincerely apologize.

I’ve never apologized to anyone like this before. L Never, probably because I have the attitude of a cow; stubborn.

If this happens a few years back, I am sorry. I will not be so kind, apologizing to you. How mesmerizing huh? That people change over time. I used to defense myself and I kind of liked the smell of sweet revenge. I wasn’t so open-minded then. Well, guess I’ve learnt to be wiser and learnt how to forgive.

I am not a forgive and forget kind of person. Never. I keep things in my heart. Good or bad, I will remember it forever. Now that I grew older, I learn to let things go. For example, a real life example, it was hard for me to forgive someone and we nearly ended our relationship. I was lucky that the both of us decided not to let things go so easily. It was so hard for me to forgive that the incident keep replaying in my mind for almost a year and a half. Till now, it still sometimes haunts me, but I decided to laugh it away.

I was also overthinking and overreacting. Therefore, I made my life a complete living hell. Overthinking was the main reason I cried myself to bed most of the time. I felt insecure and negative thinking wouldn’t leave my mind as if it was glued to it. Now that I think about it, I felt stupid. I mean good or bad, we still have to continue our life. Then why not live happily. I kept this positive attitude up till now.

No, not at all talking about you. I must make this clear so I wont provoke you again. I really am sorry.

And to friends who decided to stay in my life during the darkest and lowest moments of my life, thank you. I never would have been a better person without any of you. As to those who decided to leave, thank you for letting me know who my true friends really are.

I just want to say that I AM NOW A WISER PERSON. I SHOULD START GROWING SOME BEARD! I don’t really care if any of you think I’m not. I used to really care about what others have to say about me. I care how other people looked at me. Now, it doesn’t really matter. J

Lately, I found someone on Twitter. Not like I always go onto Twitter, but Twitter suggested that I follow her so I thought “Why not?”  Of course it’s only normal to start stalking after she approves me, right? And she privates her tweets, therefore I can only wait till she approves, which is like a few minutes after my request.

I like stalking. No. I should say, I like looking at how people lead their life. How and what do they usually do. Not only other people. I stalk my close friends too. Someone whom I think I have interest in his or her life. I sound like a creepy stalker now.

So as I started stalking, I saw that she changes partner quite often. That’s not my point. My point is that why are people afraid to fall in love?

I am sorry. I do not mean to judge you in this post. I am not here to discriminate you. I thought you looked kind of interesting and I only wanted to stalk. No, I mean befriend. J Sorry I hope you don’t get mad. I just want to share my feelings by borrowing your life story. I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings, beautiful stranger. If you decided to unfollow me, I understand. 

I mean if you choose to be with that person, you should at least hold on to that relationship and fight for it, no? People often get shocked when I replied “Five years plus” when they ask, “How long have you been together with her?” It will be six the coming year. If you don’t cherish him or her, it will get you nowhere. Not only in relationship but everything that is going to happen in life. No, beautiful stranger, if you’re reading this, I am not referring to you.

I had the craziest heartbreak ever. Imagine you being dumped because she lets name her A, chose to be with another girl and she tells you that in your face! I never had the courage to tell anybody about it. I am afraid people might laugh at me, being naïve. My world came tumbling down after that incident; I never had the courage to love again. I had partners after that, but I wasn’t serious. I just wanted people to feel how I felt, so I decided to break all their hearts. Awful huh?

I guess we all just had to fall and hurt ourselves and then, only we will learn. If its wasn’t for A, I wouldn’t be me right now. If you are wondering if I am still with A, my answer would be no, but nonetheless, we’re still friends. 

Everybody has their own stories to be told, it’s for them to choose whether to hide them or to learn from it. 

It’s been quite a while, isn’t it? Since I last blogged. After I decided that I do not have the time. Well, in the previous post, I mentioned I quit the job and I am still jobless ever since. What brought me here today is that; I still have the passion to write. Even though no one reads what I wrote, but that doesn’t stop me from writing. For the past two months, I had been wandering around, figuring what I shall do in life. Up till now, I still couldn’t make up my mind. Friends around me had been busy with their new job and as a friend, I am happy for them that they had finally found what they want in life. Gave myself a time limit, that I would find a job after my Hong Kong trip. Trip ended about two weeks ago and guess what? Still nothing. Guess I needed someone to hit me hard in the head, with a brick. This quote is the reason I left the company.

I was supposed to continue on the previous post What If.. but it doesn’t felt right. So I shall blabber about something else. Something we are all familiar with. And some might even feel uneasy while talking about it. What I’m about to write later will definitely alarm a few people if they find out. Let’s hope they would never find out about my blog, alright?

So here goes,

I noticed people around would stare when I’m out in public. Every time without fail. I felt uncomfortable at first, but then I got used to it because wherever I go, there will be at least a person looking and staring. Mostly women and men, which are aged about 35 and above. Why are they staring? Easy! Because I’m going out with the same sex, holding hands. I don’t blame them for staring, I know it’s hard to digest that young people nowadays are being more “open-minded”. I never talked about this anymore, especially in front of family. Mom is more of a conservative type. She would be happy if the one I’m bringing home is a man. I tried talking about it sometime ago and she totally went berserk. It didn’t turn out well. So fingers crossed she wont see this or else I’ll have a lot of explaining to do.

I never disclose it to anyone except for close friends. Or should I say, I keep things to myself. One of the reason I kept some of my social network private. Don’t you feel that it’s tiring?

To hide and to pretend to be someone you’re not?